Grace

Three of Cups, Grace

The documentary class met this morning and following I had an hour individual meeting with the teacher.  The conversation was helpful in a filmmaking sense but on a person level I am shook.  The exchange opened up sadness and with that came self criticism, embarrassment, and a feeling of being a clueless maker of crap.  Bla! Bla! Bla! My body, my heart especially, felt sick today and I had trouble finding the equanimity I have been trying to cultivate.

Two things helped turn the corner.  I talked to Nick.  Just spilling it out and having his understanding took out some sharpness.  Later in the day I had a yoga class and after went for a walk at the beach with Guillermo.  I was so depressed despite the beauty surrounding me at the beach, almost marveling at how this mood would not lift.  Contradicting the mood was a feeling of strength in my groin area, sort of the place where the leg bones go into the hip socket and the lower pelvis region.  I focused all of my attention on that strength and the sadness moved from my heart to my eyes and I cried a bit.  A few moments later I remembered the concave upper back in the forward bend and I let my heart feel the strength in the upper back the way the spine could offer support, and again this moved the sadness so I could cry a bit.  The physical resources I am cultivating in yoga helped my sad body feel strong and supported so the sadness could move through. Greatful for Nick and Yoga.