Center Point

Yesterday's Star

Oh God a challenging mental day trying to contain the internal voices of self loathing and lack of self worth.  Nick hugged me and had some tears trying to get through the barrier I have built.  It scared some part of me to see him emotional because I cant stand myself.  So confusing to this part. What is he saying? Thats how deep in I went.  And I am not the far from it right now but I did manage to work on the animation and a few drawings.  I worked for five hours or so.  I am not getting crushed into no action and then a strange thing happened.  Some part of me said hey we usually feel happy after a good day of art making why don’t you feel good about yourself right now? Either I am so far into a depression I cant feel joy or perhaps I am just evening out.  By that I mean maybe the extreme worthlessness and the opposite, the feeling I am good enough are really not the truth.  Neither one is true and there is just this middle ground of being.

Could that be it? A middle, a center point where things pass through?  By stepping next to the negative self talk pattern and doing the work anyway, I saw the negative talk cant stop my desire to make.  And then the feeling good about it on the other end was not there.

I think the drawings are helping me find a center point within myself.

I looked in the thesaurus for words that mean center point.

Essence, heart, axis, root, core, focus, nucleus,

The photos are of a new drawing I started today, some changes on yesterday's star and a screen shot from Evelyn’s animation.

New Drawing

Screen Shot of Evelyn's Character from The Heart Of The Matter