New Memory

I spent the entire day in the car with my brother. The rain was torental as we drove to Napa and back. The car contained us while we each tossed in a names, smells, foods, hurts and wishes from the past. Our combined history becoming somewhat clearer. I learnd many new things about him and about us. He recalled for me a memory of our sharing a room when I was little, in a crib. At a certain point my parents thought it time for me to have my own room. We both were unhappy with the plan and for at least one night, were able to stay together. I have no memory of this and did not know we shared a room. I have no conscious personal memory of him ever wanting me around, even as an adult. What changes in ones belief about onself in the world when you know you are loved and wanted by your borther? Alot actually.

This drawing is my imagining of his memory. What we looked like from our parents persective as they decided our fate. Perhaps over the next few days I will enter the perspective behind the eyes of the little one in the crib. I wonder if that feeling I have of deep connection with him is not "blood, cellular, or genetic" but rather a very young part who knows the deepst loving connection with her brother, a mutual love, not a one sided love.