Hiding

I spent the day hiding and tonight I figured out I was sad. Its hard to be around people and engaged with the creative process when I am fighting sadness. I did go into low gear and shot some pictures at Cabrillo for photography class. I wrote in the journal and did some crappy drawings. Even now it hard to write. I am censoring. I want to shut off. This drawing is what my tummy feels like. I feel nauseous. Maybe I am getting the flu.

I helped Judy with the Lyft. We went to Safeway and back. I think she is going to be able to work the app and do this on her own next time. I feel so proud of her. She's really stepping up to this tremendous life change. She knows how to stay positive and see goodness. We laughed because by the time we were at Safeway she acknowledged she would still be maneuvering out of the garage and gliding down the hill in low gear. I am feeling grateful we are able to enjoy each others company and laugh through these losses.

I think what had me sad today is the whole lights out thing. The beginning of lights out, and all the inevitable loss feels closer than it has ever felt before.