Feeling 99!!!!!!!

Can you tell its a self portriate?

I have been sad today about getting old and super anoyed about being sad for such a dumb reason. While hiking today I felt strong, better than I have in years and I am crying at the same time because I feel ugly and old. My critic of the critic is very annoyed. This is up right now because a photography class asignment was to post an image of ourselves so we can start connecting names to faces. Another request for my photo came from a highschool friend who wants to post it in a newsletter for her birthday party. I was looking at past photos to see if could find one and I observed significant aging has occurred in the past five years. The sad part is, five years ago I wasn't happy with my self, and five years before that, probably the same. So thats how today went, not accepting my self, not feeling the beauty that is here right now, the strength that is here. Such a waste of time. Fortunately this is not a constant mood but it is one I have revisitied many times in my life.

I think of my mom. She is old and very beautiful. She is beautiful because she is such a good person, her beauty shines out. Even that was off limits for me today. In the spiral my mind said I will be ugly as I age because I am ugly and dark on the inside.

The picture above looks like my dad.

Sorry 99 is such a bummer. Tomorrow is a new day and I have a list of to do's which should keep me out of trouble.

Night!